I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
