Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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