hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
