If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize