So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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