i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
