i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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