U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
