when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
