In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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