my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
