why didn't you poke me back
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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