thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
