It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
