four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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