I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
