just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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