ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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