I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
