i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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