The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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