you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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