For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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