He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
