i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
