Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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