I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
