He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
