I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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