Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
