my vag is so smooth its legendary
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
