Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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