Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
