Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
