You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
