oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's a Shit stain on my heart
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
