What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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