He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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