if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
