Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
