i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
