I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
