That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
