hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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