This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
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Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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