He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
