oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
