1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can I color on your dick again?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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