So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
