You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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