You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
