she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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