so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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