oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
