Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
