I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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