I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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