I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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