Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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