get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
