My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
