Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
