Do vagina's smell?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
