he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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