At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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