before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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