I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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