As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
