I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
