my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
