I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
