I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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